Friday, January 2, 2009

Advanced Bowling Tips

Are you struggling to elevate your bowling game? Have you been stuck on a 175 average for years, desperately trying to get to 180 or the promised land of 200? Here are a few things that might help you to get there. If you have yet to breach the 150 mark, these pointers may not work for you. You should try more basic approaches to improving your game, like double-socking your rental shoes. This will minimize transfer of bodily humours from the unsanitary feet of less hygienic lane denizens to yours. Also, you might want to consider bowling with two hands instead of one, or kicking the ball instead of rolling it. If you are an advanced bowler, read on. These tips have elevated our scores, and are guaranteed to do the same for you.

1. Avoid gutters
If you have been bowling for a few years, you have likely noticed that paralleling the hardwood lanes on both sides are two long troughs with shallow u-shaped cross sections. These features are typically 10 fathoms in length and about 120,000 microns in depth. They are known as “gutters”. If your ball rolls too far to the right or left, it has a high probability of falling into one of the gutters. Once in a gutter, it usually does not come out, and it continues its journey along the margin of the lane. If this happens, you will not hit any pins. If you do not hit any pins, you will not receive any points for that throw. This is why it is a really good idea to avoid the gutters. The best way to avoid the gutters is to not throw your ball into a gutter. Try to aim more toward the middle.

2. Hit more pins
Since the invention of the computer, many bowling alleys have used this amazing innovation of the modern era to calculate bowling scores. Accordingly, most people do not know how to score a game of bowling and do not understand how ball rolling translates to a bowling score. If you are like most people, you think that bowling elves live inside the bowling computer and score your game. The reason why this belief is so widely held is because it is true. What you probably did not know is that not all bowling elves score games. There are three types of elves in the bowling computer: accounting elves, cookie elves, and beer elves. The accounting elves use an abacus to add up your score. Cookie elves make cookies to feed the accounting elves, and beer elves drink elf beer. In order to understand how accounting elves do their magic, you have to understand the most important rule of bowling scoring:
if you knock down a lot of pins, you are going to get a lot of points. The scoring of strikes and spares is far too complicated to explain herein, and if you have no background in advanced mathematics, just leave this to the elves. But with this new understanding of bowling scores, you should be ready to improve your average. A good way to knock down more pins is to try to roll your bowling ball closer to the center of the pins because there are more pins there.

3. Correct grip on the ball
Most advanced league bowlers know how confusing bowling balls can be. It is unfortunate that the most basic equipment of bowling, the ball, is so complex. One simple way to improve your average is to use a correct grip on the bowling ball. We have tried to simplify the process for you here. A bowling ball is a spherical ball comprised of bowling ball material. Bowling ball material was first invented by NASA for the balls used in the International Space Station’s Bulgarian Bowling Alley Module BA643. Before the use of bowling ball material in the 1990’s, bowling balls were made of ground oysters shells compressed at high pressures into spheres. If you think that is confusing, then you know how confusing the holes in the bowling ball can be. On the surface of the ball, there are three holes that make a triangle shape. The first time everyone looks at a bowling ball they have the following thought, “If I have five fingers, why are there only three holes?” (People with polydactyly are prone to even more complex thoughts.) When you finally figure out that only three fingers are to be put inside of the bowling ball, you then think, “But which fingers should I stick in there?” Because there are three holes and you have five fingers, it turns out that there are actually 60 different ways that you can stick your fingers into bowling ball holes. Thus, all the confusion. This is why you often see amateur bowlers with crossed fingers while bowling. The prolonged use of an incorrect grip can lead to tendonitis and arthitis over the long term, so it is paramount to develop good gripping habits early in your bowling career. Correcting your bowling grip is not difficult, and we have included a simple diagram below that explains the process. On most bowling balls, there is a big hole and two small holes. The big hole is for your thumb. If all of the holes on your ball are the same size, find the hole that is farthest away from any other hole. This is the thumb hole. Put your thumb in it. Now rotate the ball such that the two remaining holes are above your thumb. If you are right-handed, put your middle finger in the left hole and the ring finger in the right hole. If you’re a south paw, do the opposite. You did it. Congratulations. You now grip the ball like a PBA pro!

Follow these simple tips, and watch your average grow. (A free pointer: Print these tips and bring them to the alley with you. You can even post them on your the bulletin board at your local bowling alley to share with your friends.)


  1. This is why you looked so tired tonight?

  2. No. This was yesterday's work. Today, it was actual work.

  3. So the advanced tips are "avoid gutters" and "hit more pins? That must be what I've been doing wrong.

  4. Yes. Another good tip is to use both feet on your approach. Far too many bowler are prone to hopping on one foot, and this tends to cause an off balance throw.


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