Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Firm Bowl Movement

On the Bernaski front, there is much news to report... prebowling outcomes, the end of the 1st half the season, the start of the 2nd half, and our performance from Monday the 5th. JD gave a nice recap of the night. Here's a bit more.

Prebowl I and the 1st half
Our first effort at prebowling was far from spectacular with the notable exception of the emergence of the Canadian. Our high game that day (bowled on 12/3) was 877, followed up by dual 827's. By some miracle, we managed to take two games against Lesser Fat, the 1st two to be precise. Unbeknownst to the Movements, this day marked the end the first half of the Bernaski season. Despite remaining six games under .500 with a record of 29-35, we moved up in the standings, only missing the top half the league by one position. We ended in 6th, a respectable finish considering the depth our midseason struggles.

Prebowl II
Our second attempt at prebowling occurred on December 12. This day marked the emergence of Johnebob, who on that day recorded the first 500 series of the BIA. This day marked our best bowling to date, nearly cresting the 1,800 pin mark as a team with a 1,788. We put up consistent high handicap pin totals of 882, 887, and 877. This performance was so strong, in fact, that we took every game to begin the 2nd half of the season 4-0. Of course, were aided by the fact that our opponents (who have yet to be identified) did not show up. They are lucky they didn't. If you get your ass kicked, its best to be able say, "I wasn't even trying."

January 5, 2009: Pushing the Deuce
Happy New Year! Our first attempt at bowling of AD 2009 was something to behold. It was initiated by two unusual features, a cameo visit by the Package, who made an emergency delivery of a forgotten jersey, and the absence of our three-man, Gee-off. Thanks to a miracle delivered by Pinnius, the God of Bowling, a prior Movement, Becker, showed up on the scene as reported by JD.

Of course, the miracles did not end there. Facing Lesser Fat once again, we dug ourselves a deep hole in the 1st. They recorded a beefy 925 against our 2nd worst game on record, an 802. Our realistic dream of going undefeated for the 2nd half was over. After one, we were 123 pins in the hole. Except for Johnebob, the 2nd game did not start well. Our lead off man marked the first five frames of game 2, but for the other three bowlers only six marks were had out of 15 tries. Going into the 2nd half of the 2nd game, our handicapped pin lead had evaporated. An 0-4 night was looking not only possible but likely. If we had any chance at winning Game 2, we would have to bowl toe to toe with a superior team. Handicaps were now irrelevant.

As we poured the remaining drops from our 3rd pitcher of Bowling Juice, our eyes met, and we heard the quiet voice of the absent Canadian as it wafted into front door of the Lanes of Laramie. He said, "We will not go quietly into this dark Monday night." The Laughlonian stepped up, and made the pins pay dearly with one throw of the blue ball. Surovellian spared the 6th. [Becker threw an 8 followed by an airball] And JD capped it off with a strike. The pins kept falling, frame after frame. We added 100 pins to our game 1 score. Becker had the low game with a 136. Daniele a 150. Laughlin a 175. Surovell a 183. A 902 was good enough to take the 2nd, but we only knocked 30 or so pins off the Fatty's lead.

When Game 3 arrived, we stood 1-1 on the night hoping to take the 3rd for a 2-2 finish. 3-1 seemed out of reach. But on this night, in this game, at that hour, on Lane 14, the Bowl Movements would not fold. We would not lie down. We would not give up. We would not put our tails between our legs. We would not beg for mercy. We would not throw in the towel. We would not kick the bucket. We would not choke. We would not raise the white flag of surrender. We would not cut and run. We would not cry for our mommies. We would not pull a Chicago Cubs. We would not pull an "early round Gonzaga." We would not drop the ball. What would we do? We would show not only why our team is named after what is excreted from the rectum, but also why our chosen name is ironic.

When the Movements are firm, watch out. Johnebob pushed a huge deuce, breaking the 200 mark for the first time since the start of the BM Report. 213 is now the mark to beat. He did it by marking every frame. T-Bone contributed another 178 pins. [Becker got a 163]. And Giuseppe came out on fire starting the game with a 4-bagger, 9/, X combo, finishing with a 193. In game 3, we averaged 187.3 pins per bowler, setting our high water mark with a handicapped 1007. We took games 3 and 4 to start the season 7-1 and in 1st place. How did this happen? Pinnius, of course.

There is much to be said about January 5, 2009, a day that will be forever enshrined in the Golden Archives of Bowling. No doubt, our children's children's children's children will celebrate this day as Bowl Movement Day, not a national holiday, not a world holiday, but a holiday celebrated across the Universe by Earthlings, Klingons, ET's, and Blongkorks alike. It was on this day that all four bowlers put up their high pin totals of the BIA, including the Casperian [his records extend back to 1/5/09]. JL-513, TS-499, RB-451, JD-455. We came back from adversity to dominate. We dedicate this victory to the Canadian, Pinnius, Package, and our huge contigent of loyal followers (all 3 of you).

Six weeks into the BIA, it is time to give credit where credit is due. Johnebob has established himself as the king of the lanes. He had a disastrous first preBowl by his standards, not even putting up a 400 series, but since that early December day, he has simply outshined every turd on the team. He has recorded the only two 500 series and 200 game of the BIA and his average is growing steadily. He is picking up spares like he picks up cheap women, easily and readily. A 600 series may be on the horizon for the Laughlonian.

Individual reports will follow tomorrow.

Note: Box Scores have been moved to the right hand column. Yesterday's score is here.

1 comment:

  1. Question: is the Laughlonian in any way similar to a horseshoe throwing method that threatens overhead power lines?

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