Pinnius, God of Bowling, to thee I pray. On this [insert day of league] night, please bless my two balls. Let the first find the pocket and the second, what remains. Let the grease of the lanes not harm my throw. Oh, Pinnius, in your great bowling alley in the sky, please see to it that my teammates don’t fuck up again. As you gaze down upon us across your nacho cheese-stained polo bowling jersey, I ask only that you prohibit splits, well not “only” since I’ve already asked for some stuff, and I’m about to ask for some more stuff, but it sounded good. God of Bowling, I trust that as you guzzle heavenly bowling juice from your golden pitcher, and as your holy and rotund belly fills with said juice, and as you find yourself eternally in a perfectly divine state hovering between drunk and buzzed, you will forgive my lexical imperfections. For I am just a lowly servant doing your work once a week. Pinnius, if you finally see me worthy, for I have accepted you as my only Bowling God and Savior, let me score over 200. Have I not earned your devotion in return? I mean, come on, big fat stupid bowling god. Give me a fucking break already. What do I have to do? I started throwing a spin as you commanded in your Third Commandment of Bowling. I bought my own ball, and even some stupid ugly bowling shoes. I love you Pinnius, and yet you refuse to love me back. Gods are supposed to reward their subjects for Pinnius’s sake, you fucking son of a bitch, Pinnius. Fuck you. You’re just gonna fuck me over again this week, aren’t you? Sincerely, your humble servant, [insert your name].
This is the bowling blog for charismatic, astute, and discriminating bowlers. The BM Report began as a newsletter for a Laramie, Wyoming bowling team, the Bowl Movements. We are, by every measure, not particularly skilled at bowling. Mediocrity in bowling is not our goal, but sadly it is the state of our team. For three seasons, we found ourselves positioned in the lower half of the league standings. Last season, we barely crested the top half. Our Monday night venue is the Bernaski Memorial League at the Laramie Lanes. At this point, you might be asking yourself why a subpar bowling team in Laramie needs a blog. Like the great conundrums of philosophy (god, morality, epistemology, etc.), there is no good answer to this question.
Proud S.U.C.K. Member
For membership info: http://thumbhole.blogspot.com/2009/12/brotherhood-of-bad-bowling-is-now.html