Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Rising to the Occasion

Last night was the 62nd Annual City Classic bowling tournament of Laramie. We walked into the Laramie Lanes like four cavemen in a Circuit City. We had no idea what was going on, why we were there, or what we were supposed to do. The Lanes were abuzz with people. Laptops were strewn across tables. Cash was being exchanged in large sums. The best bowlers in the city were milling about. We were out of place, sporting our meager averages and BM jerseys.

On top of this, JD was fighting off a nasty rhinovirus that took hold of him a day before. He was sick and tired and had no interest in bowling, but he came out for the sake of the team. If he had not, we could not have rolled.

As I handed my $21 entry fee to Troy Baker, I felt like I was flushing it down the toilet. After all, there were 54 teams entered in this citywide battle of balls. The 80% handicapping system put us at an even greater disadvantage. How could the Movements possibly compete?

With a brisk tide flowing against us, we rolled. In fact, we had our best night ever, some might say. We definitely rose to the occasion, one shining moment at a time. Was it enough to take the city championship? I doubt it. Will we place? Maybe.

Here’s the scoop. In all, we recorded 1,893 pins. The was our 2nd best of all time. On the 5th of January, we got 1,938 with Rory subbing for Gee-off. Of course, relative to our handicap, this was the most dominating performance we have put forth. Using our standard league handicap (276), this equates to 2,721 pins. On Jan. 5, we got 2,712 handicapped. We averaged 157.8 per bowler per game. As a team, we tied our record for strikes (43) and single pin’s (17), and we set new team records for handicapped series (2,721), marks (81), single pin % (68%), and accuracy (46.8%).

Ok, now the bad news. Handicaps were standardized to 240 using an 80% deduction. (Take your average, subtract it from 240, and multiply by 0.8. Eliminate the decimal.) I recalculated our handicaps and those of Lazer Wash based on a prior post. The bad news is that if Lazer Wash bowled their averages, we would have to bowl 48 PINS ABOVE OUR AVERAGE PER GAME just to keep up.

Ok. Now for the good news. Because of the weird averages used last night, and the fact that I ate a whole tub of steroids before leaving my house, I put up 50 pins over my average per game, effectively eliminating the Lazer Wash advantage. But I was not alone. Everyone crested their averages. In fact, as a team, WE BOWLED 72 PINS OVER AVERAGE PER GAME.

Is this enough to put us in the money? I don’t know, but we gave it one hell of a shot.


  1. Wow. You used a whole 39 words to describe your best night. Stop boasting already.

  2. Well, I felt like Luis Gonzalez in the 2001 season. He hit 57 homers that year. Prior, he had never hit more than 31. While I think I can explain Luis's hot streak, I have no idea what happened to me last night.

    Incidentally, Luis never got close to that number again.

  3. I.

    I'm going to go start a fight with the homeless guy outside my office and shake a baby....


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