Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Enough Already

Bowling is a simple game. You throw the ball. You hit the ball. You catch the ball. It's time we pull our heads out of our asses and win some games.

Remember the time when we were going to bowl Lazer Wash, and we arrived at the Lanes early. I took out a tape measure, and we measured the length of the lane from the foul line to the pins. "60 feet," said Joe. "Just like our gym back home," I reminded the team.

Remember when we were just a bunch of goofy, nerdy kids that lost week after week but somehow we turned it around to win the championship?

Remember when Johnebob was shot in the stomach by a bowling alley skank and was told by the doctor that he would never bowl again. Remember how he came back in his forties, and in the 10th frame with one strike, and he rolled another one. A blood stain appeared on his abdomen, and his ball came out of the chute split in half. John said, "Pick me out a good one, Geoffy." Geoffy pulled that special ball out of his sack, and Johnebob picked up the turkey, and slowly walked back bloody and wincing in pain?

Remember how I was hearing voices telling me to build a bowling alley. Remember how I did, and then a bunch of no-name 19th century bowlers showed up, including a guy who was banned for betting on bowling and not wearing bowling shoes?

Remember how Geoff had a stellar college bowling career, but then became a drunk guy who worked in the pro-shop at the lanes? He still had the talent, but he lost the passion. Then, he met that sports psychologist bimbo, started talking trash to his college buddy who went pro, and came back to compete in the U.S. Open. He would have won, but foot faulted on six consecutive frames in the last game?

Remember when the PBA went on strike, and they hired us as scab bowlers. At first, the fans hated us, but we won over their hearts. When the strike ended, the PBA fired us, but the fans wanted to keep us?

Next week, I want you all to focus on these memories, the best memories of our bowling careers. Then, get some fucking strikes already.


  1. ...and remember, a doughnut with no hole is a danish.

  2. Remember: no one was freckles on their ass, so wrap in up boys.

    Oops. Wrong blog.

    Toodles :)


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