Sunday, March 29, 2009

Pinnius, You Suck

Dear Pinnius,

God of Bowling, you suck. You cursed my Arizona Wildcats by putting on their gear. You were probably wearing Pitt Panthers panties, too, weren’t you? The Movements pulled out another victory last week without you. Despite your best efforts, we prevailed. Now, you are resorting to some nasty tactics. Why did you have to schedule a meeting for Johnebob in Buffalo or Sheridan for 9:00 AM on Tuesday morning? He won’t be bowling with us this week. He is our anchorman, our kingpin. He is the only Movement who can get a strike lately. If I know you, you’ll probably drop by the meeting from bowling heaven just before it starts to snarf up all the doughnuts, you free-loading tub of lard. Let me tell you something, you omnimpotent piece of crap, we will win this one for Johnny, not you. Gingasaurus Rex is going to sub his ass off. José will rediscover his old form. El Jefe will bowl like he gets a trip to Tim Horton’s if we win. I will rediscover double-digit strikes without divine intervention. The only thing you are good at is being the object of my immature aggression. How many times have you gotten drunk in the bowling alley in heaven? I imagine you stumbling over the foul line and falling on your face. If you weren’t so partial to the sauce, you might actually be able to do your job and help us win games, loser.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.