Wednesday, April 22, 2009

How many idiots does it take to drink seven pitchers of bowling juice?

Here's the setting. We arrive early to the lanes, circa one hour prior to the final night of league bowling. We do this to get a bit of a head start on our companion activity to bowling, the guzzling of bowling juice. We bowl our first game. We put up 652 pins, or a 931 with the handicap figured in. It was a big game. We beat Team Breakfast even though they also had a 900+ game. The 2nd game comes to a close, and we do even better, a 657 (937 hdcp).

Here's the funny part. After two games, we had our best start to a night of bowling ever. We were sitting on 1,309 pins. Let me put this into perspective. Three weeks prior, we had 1,629 for the entire night. The best we had ever done up to this point was 1,223 pins through the first two. Yet, on Monday night we were on pace to have our best night of bowling EVER on the last night of the season no less. We were averaging a beefy 163.6 pins per bowler per game.

But there was another record on our mind- the record for pitchers consumed. We were just polishing off our 5th jug of bowling juice, and the record was six. We decided to go for it. Seven pitchers of bowling juice went down as easily as our 3rd game score. How did we do in the third game? We got a grand total of 512 pins, or an average of 128 pins per bowler. It was ugly, but it was fun.

By the end of the night, we had won three games despite our Bacchanalian behavior. There were other good things, too. First, we finished the 2nd half six games above .500, and it was just enough to give us a .500 record for the whole season. We finished 64-64 amazingly. Also, on Jan. 8, I laid out some goals for the team. To be honest, I started to doubt we could ever accomplish them. On Monday night, we picked up another. We got 50% of our spares as a team. In all, we were 46 for 92. Everyone but myself got more than 50% of our spares, and this was the first time the Canadian had done so. What is even more impressive is that we did this despite putting up 13 splits. JD really came on with his spare ball, despite bowling with a brand new and undrilled Hammer Raw Acid.

It was a nice way to end the season, although my body is telling me that I am too old to go on such binges. If we are ever going to inspire young bowlers with our slogan, "Don't you want to grow up to be a Bowl Movement?", maybe a bit more moderation is in order.


  1. Everything in moderation - including moderation...

  2. You are all my motherfucking heroes. HEROES!!


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