Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Bowl Movement Corp.,2nd Quarter Earnings Report

I am pleased to announce another solid quarter of performance and financial results for The Bowl Movement Corporation. In this uncertain economic context, our finances remain surprisingly robust. The company is in excellent condition having earned $216 in bowling winnings over the first thirteen weeks of the season. These revenues were offset by expenses of $624, not including outlays for bowling juice. While we have yet to turn a profit through the rolling of bowling balls, our shareholders can be confident that their capital investments will produce consistent losses. Our loss for the current quarter totals only $408, and is projected to be in the neighborhood of $1000 for the entire season. Again, auditors should note that these figures do not include bowling juice expense. Such expenditures are typically sheltered in offshore fictitious shadow entities to provide cover for non-inclusion in our SEC filings. An added benefit is that if made public, our wives might not let us bowl anymore.

Another positive note comes from spreadsheet sales. The 4th quarter saw the release of versions 2.0 and 2.1 of the BM Bowling Spreadsheet. We are happy to report that the spreadsheet has been downloaded more than 180 times. Voluntary donations for this time period total one act in the sum of $10. We are earning approximately $.04 per spreadsheet download, or $.05 per hour invested in its creation and maintenance.

In fairness to the Board, it should be noted that an additional $25 should be deducted from team earnings for the sponsor fee. Despite efforts to recruit sponsorship from Pelican International, Dick's Sporting Goods, and Hammer Corp., we have yet to find a sponsor. Thus, the sponsor fee is currently allocated to the Briefcase Fund for Bernaski Officership. We continue to actively seek sponsorship. Our current target sponsor is the Ballooney Bin. Our campaign is based on the slogan, "The Ballooney Bin presents the Bowl Movements!", a phrase so catchy that we expect sponsorship to occur in short order.

We are confident in our business model moving forward. Our bowling skills have improved, and we expect to have a strong 2nd half to the season. Profit margin for the 3rd quarter of the fiscal year is projected to be in the neighborhood of -60%, representing a 5% improvement year over year.

3 comments:

  1. Sure is odd the Hammer Corp. has not contacted usin lue of my recent bowling success. They must sponsor plenty of teams already. One more would be nice!
    Side note: A highly recommended bowling ball is the RAW HAMMER ACID. You'll go from 152 to 210 games in no time!

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  2. Keep workin' it. I'm sure they'll come around.

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  3. Nice - I can't believe we spend that much - I have to make sure Jenn doesn't read this blog.

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