Monday, February 15, 2010

Time for some hardcore slump busting

I am a believer in science. I am a believer in probabilities. Nonetheless, I also know when enough is enough. Tonight was another losing night for the Movements. Damn you, Little Caesars! After the last game, Nathan said, "That was our best game ever!" No shit, Sherlock. We bring that out of everybody. Sure, the Rookie had his best night ever, and Daniele went 500. Still, we could only muster one stupid win.

It is time to move into the realm of the supernatural. Here's my plan. Next week are the City Championships. Our chances of placing are about as good as the chances of Bryan Shuster voting for Barack Obama in the next election. The plan is three pronged:

1) Bring back the Rockies towel. The towel was our kryptonite. According to the great Chinese philosopher of war, Sun Tzu, "If you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss." The original towel was probably transported to Albuquerque by a Union Pacific locomotive, but I've got two more in the storehouse.

2) I will not shave until next Monday when I will shave the hairs of my face into a mustache. I'm thinking a Smallwood, soon to be reviewed. Mustaches obviously enhance skill and confidence in bowling. When the bowling residents of our fair city see my fine stache, they will crumble in the shadow of my intimidation.

3) On Sunday night, I will give Pinnius, the god of bowling, a thorough thrashing. This technique brought many wins last season. Coincidentally, the first time this method was employed was the week prior to the City Championships. What week is it? That's right, it's the same week.

City of Laramie, let's see how your bowling can stand up to my magic! If I could just get a few more Movements on board, we would be unstoppable. Who among us is willing to don a nice bowling stache? I will not remove the stache until I go sub-500. Chances are, that will be Monday night, but what the hell? Nothing else is working.

8 comments:

  1. You kill me, but I know how you feel...

    I'm THIS close to an exorcist myself, man.

    And nothing but nice things about Pinnius in my corner of the bowling world today-- I seemed to have offended him last week.

    Oh and it's more than a little amazing to me that guys and gals with 150-160something averages have 200 games against us. We, too, bring out the best in our opponents. They LIKE to bowl us (in fact, I think there's a league lottery to see who gets us on any given Tuesday night).

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  2. I can't think of a problem that a mustache won't fix. Good luck :)

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  3. I can think of at least one problem a mustache can't solve: getting laid.

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  4. I beg to differ; you just don't go to enough NASCAR events. Couple that with a classy pick up line like, "if I told you you had beautiful eyes, would you take off your pants and dance around for me?", and it's not even fair. It's like fishing with dynamite.

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  5. So I'm all for this except the towel. I'm still a little skeptical. Hopefully it was just that particular towel - not bad ju-ju from the Rockies loss.

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  6. K-terk, do you think that would work at Frontier Days, too?

    Rook, The time to fear the towel is over. It's time to conquer it.

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  7. "When the bowling residents of our fair city see my fine stache, they will crumble in the shadow of my intimidation."
    I thought I was reading Mein Kampf...

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  8. Good point. I'll do my best to avoid the Hitler stache.

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