Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Opposite of Walker Texas Ranger

Back when my wife and I were poor graduate students in Tucson, we used an artifact of television reception known as "rabbit ears". Accordingly, we had only one channel, KOLD CBS 13. If you ever find yourself in this situation, and you are a TV watcher, you might become intimately familiar with programs that normally you would not touch with a ten foot pole. Here is a small sample of the shows with which we (shamefully) became very familiar: Touched By an Angel, Judging Amy, Diagnosis Murder, Yes Dear, Early Edition, Relic Hunter, and Walker Texas Ranger.

An episode of Walker goes like this. The show starts with the most awesome theme song in the world, sung by Chuck Norris himself. In the beginning, somebody wrongs Walker, Walker's girlfriend, one of Walker's acquaintances, or maybe they just commit some heinous Texas crime. Then Walker and his trusty sidekick, Trivette, do some investigation, and very likely some minor ass kicking. The episode culminates with Walker beating the crap out of the bad guy (major ass kicking) and locking him up. Here is a 40 second taste:

So, what's the point? Well, this is the inverse of what happened to us last night. We came out and dominated the first game. Then, Laramie Lanes Lounge came back for some major ass kicking. In the end, we only managed to take one of four. There are two ways to see this. Either, it was the opposite of a Walker episode, or we were the bad guys, and the Loungers were Walker and Trivette. That might make sense, except that in paying the WTSBMBC wager I was clearly a Texas Ranger:

And congrats on an opening day win! The Rox pulled out the victory yesterday as well.

So, aside from getting the Walker beatdown, the other big news of the night involved the Rookie. He made the thoughtless mistake of taking his lady friend out for dinner on her birthday, getting a few drinks in him, and then abandoning her for Bernaski. Showing up to bowling half in the tank is never a good idea, and he paid dearly for it (probably also when he got home). Back in January, I calculated that there was approximately an 80% chance that he would either join the Fightin' 88's, a club reserved for those who tie the lowest BM game score ever, or create his own club. Last night, he did the latter by shooting an 80 in the Game 2. Ouch. To add insult to injury to beatdown, this was the first BM game on record lacking a mark. Here it is:

In other news, I had a nice night. Using the HDZT (HCLC Doc Zen Technique), I bowled a solid 548 series with a high game of 218 and a low of 164. There is something magical about that method. The rest of the Movements were well below average, but it ain't no big thang. It's just bowling, right? And when you're in Texas, look behind you...


  1. Ha ha ha! The Rookie now owes me $10, CVK $5, and KC $5!

  2. And he owes Joe, John, and me club sandwiches.

  3. K-Terk, if anybody can beat that record, it's you.

  4. Hey an 80 scratch ain't bad, if you're playing golf.

    Congrats on hitting another deuce in league and the 548 series.

  5. Hey! I forgot about the bet-- even while I was watching the end of the game after school yesterday! Love the cap (maybe you should wear it every week... I wear mine every week, but all the magic has been sweated out of it, I think)... It's you.

    Okay. I'm goaling myself for tonight. I'm going to try to beat The Other Dude in a Rangers cap: 548+

    I tried to divine my bowling night through the Scrabble tiles this morning (as has become my custom), but the best I could muster was a 2-bingo game (I had 3, but my opponent took the T I needed for TROPHIES). So I've thrown the tiles into the wind... Maybe this is the week for Ranger caps!

    Good series, brother.

    Wish me luck... I'm goin' in.

  6. I was being careful not to insult him in any way, seeing as my....game...is pretty.....OH MY GOD I CAN'T STOP WATCHING WALKER CLIPS!!!


  7. Kafka- That is a choice walker clip.

    EB- Good luck with that. I was really happy with the 548. I have a feeling that if we keep making bets, I will have a house full of Lone Star paraphernalia.

    MD- The rook would love to shoot an 80 on the links. Hell, so would I. But he approaches both games the same way... please lord let me break 100.

  8. Thanks for the laugh, nice way to start the day.


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