Monday, July 26, 2010


Why don't you come to your senses? You been out sniffing glue for so long now. As if I didn't have enough reasons to not go bowling this summer until this happened. Memo to bowling: associating yourself with prepubescent pop icons is not going to help the sport in the long term. This is disturbing. Really disturbing. Only one phrase adequately describes this news: What the fuck?

So, we all know that bowling has a credibility problem. Some would chalk it up to score inflation from technological advancement. Others would say it's a cultural thing. So, there has been somewhat of an effort to change the image of the sport. One approach that is commonly used by the USBC is to point out that celebrities, like Chris Paul, actually enjoy bowling. I remain dubious of the effectiveness of this tactic, but who knows, maybe there's something to it.

Anyway, somehow I came across this unfortunate news item. I really don't know how to react. Well, yes I do. I'm ashamed. Very ashamed. Why should I even bowl anymore? Well, it gets worse. I went to the website for the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame and voted for my favorite celebrity. Why? I wanted to see the vote tallies. Here is what I discovered:

It's a tight race between Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift. Swift has a 4,000 vote lead out of nearly 800,000 cast. Meanwhile my candidate, Bill Murray, comes in at 6th with 628 votes. Damn it, people!!!! Vote for Mr. Bill. So, let me get this straight. Depending on which group of screaming tween girls wins the battle, either Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber will enter the Bowling Hall of Fame? That's fucking ridiculous. Why you ask? Well, Taylor Swift "has been frequently spotted and photographed hitting the lanes with celebrity friends like Selena Gomez and Cory Monteith." OMG!!!!! You go girl!!!!! Bieber? He did this.

So, let me ask you this Bowling Hall of Fame. I once took a dump in a bowling alley, does that get me a nomination? Let me put it another way. This little stunt is not going to get more people to bowl. It makes you look desperate for attention, desperado. Coupled with the recent Palin speech, the Bieber stunt betrays the truth about bowling- it is not cool, and you so wanna be. You want people to go the lanes? Here's an idea. Why don't you replace the old run down and out of date lanes with the smoky bars and rolling hot dog concession stands in the industrial part of town with places people actually want to go. If you get a group of 13 year old girls to go bowling this summer, I guarantee you that they will figure out in about 2 seconds that they aren't likely to see Bieber shuffling his feet around the hardwood.


  1. ...and if you can get a group of 13 year old girls to go bowling this summer, you can also help attract the oft-underrated demographics of middle-aged creepers and almost-30 writers who read blogs at work rather than actually writing.


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